The Art of Being Cinderella
by Seak
Summary: Sequel to The Art of Rescuing Harry. Buffy as Cinderella? Lucius as Prince Charming? Lets just hope no one gets killed. One Shot


**Author's Note**: Okay I promised myself that I wouldn't but I did. I wrote a sequel to The Art of Rescuing Harry. Yes, yes I know, I hate sequels especially when they don't turn out as good as the first but maybe this one was alright? _Please_ review and tell me what you think as I would like to hear your opinion. Good? Bad? _Anything_?

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or its associated characters. I do not own Harry Potter or _any_ of its associated characters. All rights and ownerships belong to their respective owners.

* * *

**The Art of Being Cinderella**

**(One Shot)**

* * *

Lucius stared at the spiked heal in fascination, it was he thought with icy cold amusement an interesting weapon. This he mused was what had taken three of their Death Eaters down, such an innocent looking shoe, very dainty and yet very dangerous with its spiked edge. He ran his finger down the silver metal heal, whoever had worn this had very small feet. Too bad they weren't able to track the girl down by her essence that lingered in the shoe. 

The drool that came from one of the idiots who had ended up with the shoe in his mouth had erased the girl's essence completely and left only stinky breath behind.

His lips curled distastefully, they had to use the House Elves to scrub clean the shoe with super-duper-magical-sparkling-clean-and-take-their-breaths away spell.

The incompetent fool!

And now, under the order of Lord Voldemort himself, he the great Lucius Malfoy of the old and powerful wizardry bloodline was forced to become _this_.

"Excuse me? But that wasn't the shoe I asked for." A fat and ugly middle aged woman stated her pudgy red lips pursing like she had swallowed a lemon.

Lucius smiled pleasantly promising himself that he would kill her later. "Of course not madam, I was simply putting this away… perhaps you should go to the girl over there, I'm sure she could help you better then I." He purred convincingly.

She smiled showing off clean white teeth and fluttered her heavily jeweled fingers. "Oh but I want _you_ dear." She said, heaving her heavy and sagging bosom and placing her hand delicately on his arm that soon turned vice like.

Lucius froze, the stupid pathetic Muggle _dared_ to touch him! He gritted his teeth and tried to smile. "Oh but madam, you do _not_ as I _need_ to put this shoe away." He calmly tried to explain whilst struggling to wrestle his arm from the clinging woman that was trying to wrap herself around him like boa constrictor.

She suddenly seized his other arm and pulled him to her. "I _need_ you!"

Lucius stiffened in horror. Merlin help him! He was being attacked by a crazed and horny middle aged woman! He struggled and pushed away from her only to find himself being pulled back. Of all things, how was it possible that this woman was so strong?

"Get off of me you hag!" He growled finding himself in the undignified position of wrestling with a hippopotamus.

"Oh don't be like that sweetie, I promise it'll be good!"

He'd kill her! He thought wildly, he'd kill her!

"I could do things to you that I woman never had," she purred into his ear and gave it a lick.

Lucius squealed in horror and began to fight more frantically. "Get off of me…"

Suddenly the woman was wrenched away from him and thrown unceremoniously onto the floor. "How dare you! That man had wanted me!" She shouted furiously, struggling to get onto her feet but only managed to roll around like a beached wale.

"Yeah… yeah… whatever just don't get down and dirty in public. I don't want that kind of sick imagery stuck in my head." A small blonde girl replied shuddering.

"You!" the woman heaved, her face turning a steady purple as her body rolled and wobbled like jelly. "Are…" she panted for breath, "Jealous!" She wheezed triumphantly.

The girl rolled her eyes, "Yes and I am the one rolling on the floor."

Lucius chuckled and smoothed a hand through his long and beautifully maintained hair. "I'd like to thank you for saving me Miss…"

The girl blinked at him as if just realizing he was there and he had to grit his teeth from cursing her at that very moment.

"Oh… you mean you didn't want to do the deed?" she asked curiously.

He returned her blinking. "Do the deed?"

"Yeah, you know?" she stated impatiently, "The horizontal? The oohh… ahhh I want more thing?"

"The oohh… ahhh thing?" he questioned completely bewildered.

She stared at him, "You're not gay are you?"

An affronted look appeared on his featured. "I am most certainly _not_ gay!"

"Well then why don't you understand the oohh… aahh thing? Being a guy you should hear it often." She stated bluntly.

"That is because I have never heard of the oohh… aahh thing!" He snapped at her.

Her eyes widened incredulously. "You're a _virgin_!"

"WHAT?"

She gasped, "At your age and you haven't even had sex yet?"

"_WHAT_!"

"Oh sweetie I can make your first time _good_!" The nasal voice of the woman they had both forgotten suddenly spoke up. She smiled sexily at him and lay back on the floor, beckoning him towards her with a finger.

"Eeww." The girl stated scrunching up her nose.

Lucius looked down his nose and sneered, giving her a contemptuous stare. "You are nothing but filth that I need to scrub off of the bottom of my shoe."

The woman's smile quickly disappeared and her face began to turn a deep and ugly shade of red. "How dare you!" She roared, her thunderous voice rising to the very ceiling. "Do you _know_ who I am?"

"No and I do not particularly care," he stated further angering the woman until she was frothing at the mouth.

He raised a delicate hand and dusted it across his suit as if the woman was nothing but a bug and one that quickly needed to be eradicated.

She screamed in rage and suddenly she was on her feet like she was pulled by invisible stings. He raised an eyebrow at that unbelievable feat.

"Whoa." The girl uttered in disbelief. "She could stand up without help."

"I will _kill_ you both!" She shrieked wildly and suddenly pulled out a wand.

Both of his eyebrows shot up.

"She's going to kill us with a stick?" the girl asked incredulously.

He decided he had better save himself and ducked. The chair beside him exploded into a shower of wood and stuffing.

"Holy shit! She's got a magical stick thingy!" the girl exclaimed before doing an amazing back flip and kicking a chair towards the woman and blocking the spell aimed at her.

He smiled and ignored the girl, far more interested in killing the woman then watching the girl prance about the store.

He whipped out his wand. Two can play this game.

"Crucio!" he purred standing up in all his magnificent glory.

The woman gasped in horror as her eyes fell on his wand before quickly trying to create a shield. Too late the spell hit her and sent her tumbling to the ground shrieking in pain.

"You know something?" he asked silkily, "I've never had so much satisfaction in trying to torture a being until I've met you. I must admit it was _incredibly_ fun."

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she screamed and twitched.

He leaned down and grabbed her by her three chins and slowly pulled her towards him until she was forced to look him in the eyes. "Do you know who _I_ am?" he asked seductively, smiling ever pleasantly.

His glamour spell shimmered until it revealed his true features for only a minute but she saw and her eyes widened with terror. Her screams grew louder, far more frightened then ever before.

"Hey stop that!"

WHAM! Suddenly he found himself flying across the room and into the wall like a pancake meeting the surface of a frying pan. The air in his lungs rushed out with a whoosh and he choked struggling for oxygen and silently promised himself to kill the girl as well.

She stood in the middle of the store, the customers and sales staff having long made an escape. "I just don't know what it is about you stick carrying people!" She exclaimed clearly annoyed. "I mean seriously why can't I have one of those stick thingies?"

He struggled up and onto his feet, slowly wiping the spit from his lips. "You mean you want this?" he asked waving his wand at her and smirked. "Come and get it."

Her eyes widened.

"_STUPEFY_!"

The spell missed as she ducked to the floor.

He growled. "_STUPEFY_!"

The floor exploded leaving a black mark but no body. She was balancing on a chair with her hands.

"You stupid filthy pieces of Muggle! _DIE_!" He snapped furiously swishing his wand towards her. "_AVADA KEDAVRA_!"

A brilliant green light raced towards her, she immediately flipped to her feet and jumped, arcing over the spell and landing lightly on her feet.

She grinned at him and taunted, "You're going to have to do better then that."

He smiled nastily, "Oh I _will_," and aimed.

* * *

Buffy ducked as the spell flew past her and into the wall behind her causing the wall to explode and leaving a very large hole in the middle of it. She eyed it incredulously, that was one scary and dangerous stick. 

She had seriously got to get that wand out of that man's hand. After Harry's intensive but reluctant lecture on the wizardry world, she had discovered what those stick things were. But still… who would want to carry a wand anyway? Weren't they embarrassing? Okay, _so_ she carried a stake but that had nothing to do with _this_.

_Yeah, yeah keep telling yourself that Buffy but you **want** that stick_.

I do not! She told herself indignantly as she grabbed a piece of wood from the broken chairs and threw it at him. It splintered apart in mid air.

She was most definitely impressed.

I just want to try it out that's all, she silently stated, eyeing the wand.

_Yes Buffy you **want** to **try** it **out**. _

She growled clearly annoyed by the voice and wandered why it was that she kept talking to herself. The doctor claimed it was because of her unusual amount of stress, Giles claimed that perhaps she was getting bored, Willow claimed that it was her method of remembering Spike and Faith claimed that she needed sex.

Personally she thought it was none of the above and that they were all stupid.

Another very nasty curse flew at her forcing her to contort her body into a weird and uncomfortable position.

Okay _now_ it was getting annoying.

She righted herself and glared at him. "Okay mister man who has never had sex and is probably gay, you're beginning to piss me off."

He choked at her words before pulling himself together and flashing her a look full of hatred. "You will pay for those words," he growled.

She rolled her eyes, all the bad guys say that, it was getting to the point where she could predict what they would say next. "_DIE_!" She shouted simultaneously with the swishing wand guy.

He barred his teeth at her.

"What?" she asked innocently, "They all say that!"

"You dare to mock me!" he roared.

She looked at him like he was a moron. "Wasn't that obvious?"

"_DIE_!" They shouted again only this time another curse was aimed at her.

She threw a chair into its path and threw another one to keep him distracted.

"Seriously," she lectured, "You people have _got_ to come up with something original, it's all getting very boring and cliché."

His nose flared dramatically and his lips had long ago thinned into a thin line.

She looked at him surprised. "You're not going to say anything?"

He smirked, "Behind you."

Buffy blinked at him. "Oh you mean the man standing behind me with the black dress, no underwear and has that really weird mask on his face?" she asked vapidly.

His smirk disappeared.

She smiled innocently, "I think I just shoved a stick in a very bad, bad place."

* * *

Lucius Malfoy was in a _very_ angry mood, never had he encountered anyone who could infuriate him more then Potter and now here she was and he wanted to kill her _very_ badly. If only she would stay still! 

He gritted his teeth in fury as a loud howl of pain echoed behind her and the black looming figure that he had so been pleased to see tumbled over clutching its ass.

Bad place indeed he silently sneered, she had managed to somehow shove a wooden stick up the man's ass and now he had to deal with the embarrassment of watching him take it out.

How had she done it? He could have sworn she had never left his sight!

His eyes narrowed in sudden suspicion. "Who are you?"

Her eyes widened innocently, "Who me?" she asked.

"Yes you!" he snapped.

She hopped lightly, "Why I'm nobody, I'm just an innocent girl who saved you from losing your virginity." Her eyes narrowed. "Is this how you say thanks to the people who kept your virtue intact?"

Lucius sputtered furiously. "I am not a virgin!" he roared.

She dramatically leaned back. "Whoa! Speak it don't spit it. I got you already no need to tell the world. I think the guy around the corner even heard you."

He struggled for calmness. "I will kill you and it will be very enjoyable."

She rolled her eyes, "_Whatever_."

He erupted, his struggle for calmness gone. "I said I will kill you!"

She flapped a hand at him, "Yeah, yeah you said the same thing five minutes ago."

He pointed his wand straight at her his hand shaking with his complete fury when a Death Eater suddenly rushed in, shouting. "The Aurors are here!"

He cursed and flashed her a glare. "I'll be back."

Her mouth dropped open, "Hey! Did you just quote the _Terminator_?"

He smirked, whoever this Terminator was must be very good to have such a name. "And if I did?"

Her lips twitched, her shoulders shook and immediately she was on the floor laughing. "You quoted the Terminator! Oh my GOD! I think I'm gonna pee my pants!"

"Milord! Hurry!" the young sounding Death Eater urged urgently.

His lips curled furiously and he took one last shot at her hoping that she was too distracted with her laughing to notice. He missed.

He swore.

And with a pop he was gone.

* * *

Buffy's laughter trickled into chuckling and she slowly got up knowing that she had to get out of here soon. She frowned as something twinkled at her and squinted at the object. "Hey is that my shoe?" she asked herself. 

She lunged for it.

"Hey it is!"

She took a sniff at it.

Her face contorted in horror. "Blagh! Holy shit that stank!"

* * *

_End_


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